Delightful Eye-Opener

It has been a delightful eye-opener to occasionally come upon creative names for perimenopause. Some of the idioms elicit a chuckle or two, which is what I need, trapped in this haze of bouts of rage and forgetfulness. 

Here are some of my favorite ones (and unfortunately for those around me - some are very accurate):

Cougar Puberty

Private Summer

Reverse Puberty

Power Surges

The Great Hormone Migration

Fire-Breathing Fairy

Aggressively Shimmering

Symptom Lucky Dip

Patience on Annual Leave

Sure. I am at that age where every day is a game of roulette, when you think: what next?

The Annual Rant Update

I have decided: this year there will be no update for the family how our year's been. 

No, nope, no way. This year we are planning on sharing an intense rant, because that is the most prominent feature of the year for us. 

And before you ask - yes, we have been practicing for it the whole year. There has barely been a day that my other half and I have not initiated an honest rant of some sort. And trust me, it doesn't take a lot to ignite the righteous indignation in our souls. 

The new road layout? Rant. The crappy driver in front of us? Rant. Food prices? Rant. Should I go on? I think I am about to start another rant (told you it doesn't take a lot to get me started...).

So, my dear family and friends, what is the topic of your choosing to get me started for your Christmas cards this year? Just say the word!

Fitting Room Inferno

There is nothing more humbling than trying on clothes in a fitting room. The picture in your head what you look like is crumpled and then trampled on. And then shredded to pieces when self-doubt creeps in.

These are some of the legitimate questions that come to mind when you look at yourself in the multiple mirrors, showing your flaws from every possible angle (why, store designers, why???):

'God, look at that saggy cellulite-y ass... surely it can't be mine?'

'Did I use to have love handles?'

'A spot? There? Really?'

'And I thought I had nice legs/ass/boobs, etc. (choose the area which has offended you the most)'

'What's with those bags under my eyes?'

I can go on, but I am sure you get the picture (as crumpled as it is). The question that pops into my head is - do stores really want to sell more, if they have come up with this torture of a fitting room, where the harsh lighting and badly positioned mirrors are the norm? Or may be they hope you are realistic enough about what you look like when you enter this infernal room.

Argh...

Halloween Bonanza

Yes, you guessed it - another October 31st was spent trick-or-treating. Pushing elbows with witches, ghosts and... bananas. Yes, this specific fruit is a thing this year - if you are the parent of a child between the ages of 5 and 10 you will know. Will know...

So, making way for my progeny and their friend to be handed a few (more) sweets I started a list in my head noting the most unusual and funniest costumes. Here are some of them - in no particular order:

- A pigeon - my child's friend, because 'they carry all sorts of diseases'

- The invisible man - a stroke of genius, not sure how the child was faring with their face hidden under a shirt

- A vampire carrying their coffin - surprisingly imaginative in a sea of otherwise 'ordinary' vampires

- K-Pop Demon Hunters creatures of all shapes, sizes and inspired details

- A policeman. Now I am mentioning this, because we all looked at the teenage boy twice before it clicked he was not an actual policeman. It was the swagger with which he walked that made him so believable

As for me - I had the idea of sticking a 6 on my chest and a 7 on my husband's, but he was late to the party and I just plopped some horns on my head. As for the 6-7... you will know if you have a child of any age. You bet you will.

I Know What Makes Me Happy

Having time to think about non-lifechanging things is truly a blessing. 

So, after watching a K-drama about life, I started thinking what makes me happy. What keeps me going and helps me cope with the s**t life throws at me. 

... (it turns out this is harder than I thought):

Hearing my family laugh.

Travelling. Anywhere. Anytime.

Reading a good book and stopping for a while just to savour it.

Selling one of my designs knowing someone else will be enjoying it too.

Knowing my extended family is doing well.

Being able to stay in my head for a bit without any distraction or outside noise. This is so underrated.

Being inspired by something I have seen. 

Learning something new and smiling at the result.

And the last for this list (I found it is a very important one through the years) - having a safe place to cry.

Being given some time to breathe is truly, truly a gift. You just have to be able to appreciate it. 

Anyone's Guess

I thought I would slide into middle age and perimenopause with dignity and grace.

What a load of bull. Dignity's up and vanished and grace is hiding it's head in the sand, pretending not to be there. 

What's keeping me going? The fact that my hubby started his menpause as well and he is even angrier than me!

We'll just keep at it if only just for the fun of finding out how it ends. At the moment that's anyone's guess, but there might be casualties along the way.

Winning at Marriage

THEM: You have a long marriage. What is your advice?

ME: No idea. Go with the flow. Be as different as possible in your habits, but the same as possible in how to live life. 

For example:

He eats meat (a lot), you don't.

He makes the bed, you - not so much (only under duress and after a disapproving look).

He stacks the dishwasher like it will be inspected by the Dishwasher Committee. You just throw things in there in the hope they will get properly washed. 

His nightstand looks neat, while yours looks like a rabid dog went through it. 

He is calm, while you are a volcano ready to burst at any given moment. 

He is a calm driver (very different from when you first met), while you got your driver's license at thirty something (because there was no way out of it) and now your driving is a bit out there.

I like getting rid of things we don't use. He is very possessive of a cable he got in 1999. 

THEM: Huh?!?