The Elusive Teenager

(Read in the voice of David Attenborough):

For almost 3 months every year, the elusive teenager is difficult to spot. They are experts at burrowing under their bedsheets, blending in with their surroundings and pretending not to hear anything. As to what they really do under there remains a mystery, though giggling can sometimes be heard.

When faced with a request from a superior species (also known as the cleaner / feeder / provider of phone time), the elusive teenager suddenly becomes snappy, stand-offish and aloof. However, faced with someone higher in the food chain, their demeanor undergoes slight change and with a lot of peculiar noises (mostly huffing, puffing, mumbling under their nose and in more extreme cases - grunting) they leave the safety of their bed.

One can tell they are out of their comfort zone by the slouch of their shoulders and the shuffling of their feet. Finishing the task specified by the superior species usually takes longer than needed, is always accompanied by low guttural sounds and sometimes also by a slammed door or two. 

Their behavior, however, undergoes a drastic change when the elusive teenager wants something from the superior species. Their voice pitch changes, becoming a lulling purr and their body language shows they are now open to a short hug or a peck on the cheek. 

In conclusion, it must be mentioned that this behavior of the elusive teenager is definitely not uncommon during that specific time of the year. It is seen in almost all members of the species, to the constant annoyance and exasperation of the superior species. 

Damn summer holidays.

The Cancellation Catch

I recently went to a talk in my kid's school led by a lovely child psychologist. 

Among the many truths he said was a gem that stood out for me. He said: 'In today's society, where kids are more isolated thanks to technology (much due to social media) and communication skills among young people are rapidly disappearing, it is very important not to show how happy you are when a meeting with your friends get cancelled.'

Because let's be honest here: when you get to a certain age, it gets harder to garb on your best and strut out of the house with a smile of anticipation on your face for some wining and dining with friends. You (OK, OK - me!) become that bit antisocial and prefer to be in bed / on the sofa / in front of the laptop by 9 pm in your comfiest (and probably tattiest) clothes. 

My point - don't celebrate cancelled outings with friends in front of your kids, because that might give them the idea that meeting friends might not be all that. And they don't need to know the truth yet. Let them slide into middle age as innocently as possible. The expert said it. 

A 'Plus One'

Lately, a new member of the family has quietly joined our ranks. It was not sudden, they made their way unnoticeably into our tight group - so much so, that one day we woke up and we were 'plus one'.

Regrettably, they are French. And as luck would have it, we got an opinionated, snooty and pushy one. They don't know when to can it, how to encourage properly and basically, they don't care much. I am not gonna lie: it has been challenging at times. There are times when you want to talk back and explain yourself, but it all falls on deaf ears. 

But here's the thing: my husband looks more svelte, I got top marks for my protein dessert, and the kids couldn't be less bothered. So...

Welcome, Claude. 

P.S. Oh, yeah - and they can't draw to save their life. I asked for a very dramatic koala. But I think I got a koala on a rollercoaster, whose eyes have fallen out...

And there you go.

Ugh. It has happened.

I expected it and dreaded it.

My teenager is now officially cringing when I try to touch them. And, oh my God, the stink eye I get when I try to kiss them! And let's not forget the little puff of disdain I also get as a bonus, meaning 'Jeez, Mother, not that again!'.

I have now officially joined the ranks of the millions and millions of other mothers shunned by their budding teenagers. 

However, I shall not despair. I shall quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) wait on the other side for my offspring to emerge out of the hormone fog to give me a kiss and a hug that I didn't have to negotiate / fight for / steal. 

Let the countdown begin!

Hormone Harmony

The other day, my almost teenage offspring (after a short bout of snarling) told me the following: 'Mom, these days I feel like I am almost always angry. There is a rage in me that won't go away.'

'Aaah' - I thought to myself. She just went all out and said that to her perimenopausal mother, whose favorite pastime of late is shouting and fuming.

And then I thought: 'I got you, child'. I looked at her with bright knowing eyes and uttered what might be considered some of the truest words to have ever come out of my mouth.

'Dearest, do you remember when in one of those superhero movies Captain America told Dr. Banner that now would be a good time for him to get angry and turn into the Hulk? Banner just answered: 'That's my secret, Cap... I'm always angry'. And that, my lovely child, sums up nicely the reality for both of us right now.'

Proud parenting moment, that.

A New Buddy

They say that it is very difficult to make new friends as you get older. 

Ha! I do love proving them wrong. Or in this case - my husband proving them wrong (because on this I agree with 'them'. I am getting more and more ornery as I age and at this stage in my life I don't like people very much). 

So, my husband has a new best buddy, it seems. We - his immediate family - have seen positive changes as a result. He seems more informed and chirpier at times. I would even go as far as saying he has a spring in his step.

His new friend advises him on his diet, talks him through what to cook for dinner and even indulges his whims in discussing controversial topics. However, his buddy made a boo-boo the other day - didn't remind him to buy salmon. Twice. And I think that has led to a bit of a rift in their relationship. 

But knowing my husband - that won't last long and they will very soon go back to chatting about recipes and work and world peace.

In your faces, doubters!

Game Changers

Recently, social media enlightened me that I have two game changers in my life. AKA my kids.

And game changers they are for sure. Every so often my husband and I question the sanity of our decision to have kids - usually after a long, long day (when you just want to go home and plop on the bed) or when the game changers have been overly sulky, chatty or just breathing the same air as us. 

Every day, our game changers inspire in us questions that would otherwise seem very simple and straightforward. Some of them (and trust me, the list is far from exhaustive) include:

What to have for dinner that will be eaten by all

What to put in the packed lunches

Is the school uniform washed (I have nightmares about this one)

Can they watch TV / play on the computer / play on the Nintendo / have more time on their phone (all of these are asked by our offspring at least once a day)

...and don't even get me started what happens when they hear the inspired shout: 'Bedtime!'.