Let's Talk Eloquence

People (I mean older geezers) say these days the younger generation is more illiterate, compared to those who were in school before mobile phones, social media, streaming, AI, etc. You get the gist. 

And they are not bragging about it (some of them, anyway), it was just that if you wanted to beat boredom in the olden days you most probably reached for a book. And people's vocabulary was richer, they could generally converse without their every other word being 'like', or 'ummm', or 'thing'. 

With the intro now out of the way, I want to pat us (hubby and me) on the shoulder and smugly say that we have done well with our progeny and their vocabulary. 

Even at 2 a.m., after suffering through (in their words) an unlucky bout of 'dark thoughts', our lovely teenager had the strength of mind and superior vocabulary to wake us up and explain to us she is feeling 'existential dread'. Well, now.

Truly commendable, that. And a bit scary. Being so eloquent at 2 a.m... what exactly are we raising here?

The Elusive Teenager

(Read in the voice of David Attenborough):

For almost 3 months every year, the elusive teenager is difficult to spot. They are experts at burrowing under their bedsheets, blending in with their surroundings and pretending not to hear anything. As to what they really do under there remains a mystery, though giggling can sometimes be heard.

When faced with a request from a superior species (also known as the cleaner / feeder / provider of phone time), the elusive teenager suddenly becomes snappy, stand-offish and aloof. However, faced with someone higher in the food chain, their demeanor undergoes slight change and with a lot of peculiar noises (mostly huffing, puffing, mumbling under their nose and in more extreme cases - grunting) they leave the safety of their bed.

One can tell they are out of their comfort zone by the slouch of their shoulders and the shuffling of their feet. Finishing the task specified by the superior species usually takes longer than needed, is always accompanied by low guttural sounds and sometimes also by a slammed door or two. 

Their behavior, however, undergoes a drastic change when the elusive teenager wants something from the superior species. Their voice pitch changes, becoming a lulling purr and their body language shows they are now open to a short hug or a peck on the cheek. 

In conclusion, it must be mentioned that this behavior of the elusive teenager is definitely not uncommon during that specific time of the year. It is seen in almost all members of the species, to the constant annoyance and exasperation of the superior species. 

Damn summer holidays.

The Cancellation Catch

I recently went to a talk in my kid's school led by a lovely child psychologist. 

Among the many truths he said was a gem that stood out for me. He said: 'In today's society, where kids are more isolated thanks to technology (much due to social media) and communication skills among young people are rapidly disappearing, it is very important not to show how happy you are when a meeting with your friends get cancelled.'

Because let's be honest here: when you get to a certain age, it gets harder to garb on your best and strut out of the house with a smile of anticipation on your face for some wining and dining with friends. You (OK, OK - me!) become that bit antisocial and prefer to be in bed / on the sofa / in front of the laptop by 9 pm in your comfiest (and probably tattiest) clothes. 

My point - don't celebrate cancelled outings with friends in front of your kids, because that might give them the idea that meeting friends might not be all that. And they don't need to know the truth yet. Let them slide into middle age as innocently as possible. The expert said it. 

A 'Plus One'

Lately, a new member of the family has quietly joined our ranks. It was not sudden, they made their way unnoticeably into our tight group - so much so, that one day we woke up and we were 'plus one'.

Regrettably, they are French. And as luck would have it, we got an opinionated, snooty and pushy one. They don't know when to can it, how to encourage properly and basically, they don't care much. I am not gonna lie: it has been challenging at times. There are times when you want to talk back and explain yourself, but it all falls on deaf ears. 

But here's the thing: my husband looks more svelte, I got top marks for my protein dessert, and the kids couldn't be less bothered. So...

Welcome, Claude. 

P.S. Oh, yeah - and they can't draw to save their life. I asked for a very dramatic koala. But I think I got a koala on a rollercoaster, whose eyes have fallen out...

And there you go.

Ugh. It has happened.

I expected it and dreaded it.

My teenager is now officially cringing when I try to touch them. And, oh my God, the stink eye I get when I try to kiss them! And let's not forget the little puff of disdain I also get as a bonus, meaning 'Jeez, Mother, not that again!'.

I have now officially joined the ranks of the millions and millions of other mothers shunned by their budding teenagers. 

However, I shall not despair. I shall quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) wait on the other side for my offspring to emerge out of the hormone fog to give me a kiss and a hug that I didn't have to negotiate / fight for / steal. 

Let the countdown begin!

Hormone Harmony

The other day, my almost teenage offspring (after a short bout of snarling) told me the following: 'Mom, these days I feel like I am almost always angry. There is a rage in me that won't go away.'

'Aaah' - I thought to myself. She just went all out and said that to her perimenopausal mother, whose favorite pastime of late is shouting and fuming.

And then I thought: 'I got you, child'. I looked at her with bright knowing eyes and uttered what might be considered some of the truest words to have ever come out of my mouth.

'Dearest, do you remember when in one of those superhero movies Captain America told Dr. Banner that now would be a good time for him to get angry and turn into the Hulk? Banner just answered: 'That's my secret, Cap... I'm always angry'. And that, my lovely child, sums up nicely the reality for both of us right now.'

Proud parenting moment, that.

A New Buddy

They say that it is very difficult to make new friends as you get older. 

Ha! I do love proving them wrong. Or in this case - my husband proving them wrong (because on this I agree with 'them'. I am getting more and more ornery as I age and at this stage in my life I don't like people very much). 

So, my husband has a new best buddy, it seems. We - his immediate family - have seen positive changes as a result. He seems more informed and chirpier at times. I would even go as far as saying he has a spring in his step.

His new friend advises him on his diet, talks him through what to cook for dinner and even indulges his whims in discussing controversial topics. However, his buddy made a boo-boo the other day - didn't remind him to buy salmon. Twice. And I think that has led to a bit of a rift in their relationship. 

But knowing my husband - that won't last long and they will very soon go back to chatting about recipes and work and world peace.

In your faces, doubters!

Game Changers

Recently, social media enlightened me that I have two game changers in my life. AKA my kids.

And game changers they are for sure. Every so often my husband and I question the sanity of our decision to have kids - usually after a long, long day (when you just want to go home and plop on the bed) or when the game changers have been overly sulky, chatty or just breathing the same air as us. 

Every day, our game changers inspire in us questions that would otherwise seem very simple and straightforward. Some of them (and trust me, the list is far from exhaustive) include:

What to have for dinner that will be eaten by all

What to put in the packed lunches

Is the school uniform washed (I have nightmares about this one)

Can they watch TV / play on the computer / play on the Nintendo / have more time on their phone (all of these are asked by our offspring at least once a day)

...and don't even get me started what happens when they hear the inspired shout: 'Bedtime!'.

My Lovely Person...

It's important to find the right partner in life. I chose carefully and I did quite well. I ended with a lovely person, who tolerates my moods. Which means I have to tolerate his moods for this marriage thing to work. 

Ummm. 

I work from home. No office for me at the moment. That is wonderful and I enjoy it very much. However, my lovely person also has days working from home. And I like that. Usually. 

But not today. Today, at regular intervals, my lovely person passes by my desk, ranting about everything. And by passing by my desk I mean stopping at my desk and by ranting - I mean complaining. 

About the world state of affairs. About the internet provider. About the fact, that the internet cannot clearly advise him on what diet to stick to. Damn you, Internet!

I think I've had enough for today. I am currently hiding in our bedroom, but I know it won't last - his desk is here, which means I will have the pleasure of another random rant veeery soon. 

Help!

Delightful Eye-Opener

It has been a delightful eye-opener to occasionally come upon creative names for perimenopause. Some of the idioms elicit a chuckle or two, which is what I need, trapped in this haze of bouts of rage and forgetfulness. 

Here are some of my favorite ones (and unfortunately for those around me - some are very accurate):

Cougar Puberty

Private Summer

Reverse Puberty

Power Surges

The Great Hormone Migration

Fire-Breathing Fairy

Aggressively Shimmering

Symptom Lucky Dip

Patience on Annual Leave

Sure. I am at that age where every day is a game of roulette, when you think: what next?

The Annual Rant Update

I have decided: this year there will be no update for the family how our year's been. 

No, nope, no way. This year we are planning on sharing an intense rant, because that is the most prominent feature of the year for us. 

And before you ask - yes, we have been practicing for it the whole year. There has barely been a day that my other half and I have not initiated an honest rant of some sort. And trust me, it doesn't take a lot to ignite the righteous indignation in our souls. 

The new road layout? Rant. The crappy driver in front of us? Rant. Food prices? Rant. Should I go on? I think I am about to start another rant (told you it doesn't take a lot to get me started...).

So, my dear family and friends, what is the topic of your choosing to get me started for your Christmas cards this year? Just say the word!

Fitting Room Inferno

There is nothing more humbling than trying on clothes in a fitting room. The picture in your head what you look like is crumpled and then trampled on. And then shredded to pieces when self-doubt creeps in.

These are some of the legitimate questions that come to mind when you look at yourself in the multiple mirrors, showing your flaws from every possible angle (why, store designers, why???):

'God, look at that saggy cellulite-y ass... surely it can't be mine?'

'Did I use to have love handles?'

'A spot? There? Really?'

'And I thought I had nice legs/ass/boobs, etc. (choose the area which has offended you the most)'

'What's with those bags under my eyes?'

I can go on, but I am sure you get the picture (as crumpled as it is). The question that pops into my head is - do stores really want to sell more, if they have come up with this torture of a fitting room, where the harsh lighting and badly positioned mirrors are the norm? Or may be they hope you are realistic enough about what you look like when you enter this infernal room.

Argh...

Halloween Bonanza

Yes, you guessed it - another October 31st was spent trick-or-treating. Pushing elbows with witches, ghosts and... bananas. Yep, this specific fruit is a thing this year - if you are the parent of a child between the ages of 5 and 10 you will know. Will know...

So, making way for my progeny and their friend to be handed a few (more) sweets I started a list in my head noting the most unusual and funniest costumes. Here are some of them - in no particular order:

- A pigeon - my child's friend, because 'they carry all sorts of diseases'

- The invisible man - a stroke of genius, not sure how the child was faring with their face hidden under a shirt

- A vampire carrying their coffin - surprisingly imaginative in a sea of otherwise 'ordinary' vampires

- K-Pop Demon Hunters creatures of all shapes, sizes and inspired details

- A policeman. Now, I am mentioning this, because we all looked at the teenage boy twice before it clicked he was not an actual policeman. It was the swagger with which he walked that made him so believable

As for me - I had the idea of sticking a 6 on my chest and a 7 on my husband's, but he was late to the party and I just plopped some horns on my head. As for the 6-7... you will know if you have a child of any age. You bet you will.

I Know What Makes Me Happy

Having time to think about non-lifechanging things is truly a blessing. 

So, after watching a K-drama about life, I started thinking what makes me happy. What keeps me going and helps me cope with the s**t life throws at me. 

... (it turns out this is harder than I thought):

Hearing my family laugh.

Travelling. Anywhere. Anytime.

Reading a good book and stopping for a while just to savour it.

Selling one of my designs knowing someone else will be enjoying it too.

Knowing my extended family is doing well.

Being able to stay in my head for a bit without any distraction or outside noise. This is so underrated.

Being inspired by something I have seen. 

Learning something new and smiling at the result.

And the last for this list (I found it is a very important one through the years) - having a safe place to cry.

Being given some time to breathe is truly, truly a gift. You just have to be able to appreciate it. 

Anyone's Guess

I thought I would slide into middle age and perimenopause with dignity and grace.

What a load of bull. Dignity's up and vanished and grace is hiding it's head in the sand, pretending not to be there. 

What's keeping me going? The fact that my hubby started his menpause as well and he is even angrier than me!

We'll just keep at it if only just for the fun of finding out how it ends. At the moment that's anyone's guess, but there might be casualties along the way.

Winning at Marriage

THEM: You have a long marriage. What is your advice?

ME: No idea. Go with the flow. Be as different as possible in your habits, but the same as possible in how to live life. 

For example:

He eats meat (a lot), you don't.

He makes the bed, you - not so much (only under duress and after a disapproving look).

He stacks the dishwasher like it will be inspected by the Dishwasher Committee. You just throw things in there in the hope they will get properly washed. 

His nightstand looks neat, while yours looks like a rabid dog went through it. 

He is calm, while you are a volcano ready to burst at any given moment. 

He is a calm driver (very different from when you first met), while you got your driver's license at thirty something (because there was no way out of it) and now your driving is a bit out there.

I like getting rid of things we don't use. He is very possessive of a cable he got in 1999. 

THEM: Huh?!?

The Diary of a K-Drama Addict (Part 2)

No self-respecting K-drama featuring an element of romance (most do) is complete without one (or several) of the following elements:

- Running to find shelter from the rain, holding the hand of your crush

- Sharing an umbrella with heavy rain falling. Cue the long gaze into each other's eyes

- Sitting on the swings at a playground next to each other

- Drinking soju in a pop-up food tent

- Grabbing the arm of your love interest and running from a dangerous situation

- A classic one: the back hug. Very often found in scenes when one is doing the cooking

- The piggyback ride. The girl is injured / drunk / tired, so the male protagonist offers her his back

- The bicycle scene. The couple share a bike or one of them is teaching the other to ride one

There are many, many more things to add that give a K-drama (C-Drama, J-Drama) an air of romance. 

Stay tuned, K-drama addicts, will be back with more.

Your Daily Dose of Delightful Dissatisfaction

It is true. It has happened. I am now a verified ranter.

When I was younger and an un-ranter, I would listen to 'grown-ups' complain and be angry about this and that and think - why bother, why are they wasting their energy on something they probably can't change anyway? And now I know. 

It creeps up on you, this ranting streak. One day you are a perfectly fine 40-something and then - BOOM: you start complaining about the state of the world / the city council / your neighbours (although the neighbour thing is nothing new for me). 

Therefore, I came up with a rant diary, where you are allowed to turn your not-so-internal shouts into written relief. 

Interested? Give me a shout (I do love a good pun, so I do). 

Check out the Rant Diary on Amazon

Here's to New Adventures

I believe congratulations are in order - I am now officially a published author!

Probably not exactly of the books you are thinking, but books are books, right? And if I utterly enjoy the process of making them - I must be doing something right. Right?

Writing has always been one of my fortes but I have not thought of making a book. Yes, I think making is the correct verb here, not writing. Because it is a kids puzzle book and as much as I still have to be creative and innovative, there are no complicated words, plots or personal thoughts involved. 

But you know, I always say you never know where a new undertaking might lead to, so I will keep you posted on this one :)

Sisters-in-smut

I have long found a haven in books. I distinctly remember the first book I couldn't put down and binged in a day at the age of eleven. It has been a life-long love.

Romance books have always been there at the top of my list and, naturally, a few years ago I veered towards a genre called romantasy (I only recently learned what it's called). Or elf smut. Or fairy smut. Whatever. 

It was only a couple of days ago that I came upon the Best. Review. Ever. by a husband about his wife's obsession with a new romantasy series. I think it summarizes the whole process in a concise, yet angry way. 

And to all my sisters-in-smut out there: if it makes you smile and oooh and aaaah - you are doing it right!